While coaching a teenager recently I came up with some unexpected barriers. Her parents. The loving parents who had brought her to me asking me to coach their child out of the negativity and low self confidence she was experiencing, so much so that they had to change schools and then finally withdraw her to be at home and home school her.
Their young vibrant daughter due to various episodes of being teased and mildly bullied at school and in the community they lived had withdrawn into a shell and they wanted my help to get her back on track both academically and rebuild her self confidence.
Many children I coach are inherently good children pursuing their academic goals and developing personally through the trials and tribulations that life has to offer. However, when they come to me for coaching they have either encountered a series of negative events outside the home in school/college or they have developed some poor habits at home and fallen into a pattern of negative behaviour, low self confidence and are distracted from their academics.
In most cases parents wait anywhere from six months to a year to bring their child to me for coaching! By then the problem has become bigger and it takes more effort and time to resolve it versus if parents brought their child in earlier not ‘hoping’ that it will disappear.
1) Now that you have become aware of the issues your child is facing you need to stop brushing them under the carpet thinking that it is ‘phase.’ There ismore risk and damage in waiting rather than taking some proactive measures in trying to face and resolve the issue asap.
2) Your child undergoing some problems is NOT a reflection of you or yourparenting style. It is just something she needs to accept, learn and let go of. Try and be objective of the situation.
3) Have a discussion with your child to try and find out what was the starting point of her falling off track academically or personally . Make sure it is something that is not on repeat mode and corroding her self confidence on a daily basis. Eg. Being bullied daily in school or suffering from anxiety and stress.
4) Once you have addressed the origin of the issue figure out how your childcan resolve it herself or whether she needs your help and intervention. ASK your child. Don’t jump in to rescue if she can manage herself.
5) Now its YOUR turn. Please accept your child’s mistakes and let it go. Yourenergy and words play a very important part in your parenting and your childis tuned into it. You need to hold a vision up for your child that he/she would want to strive towards.