Today’s question is from a concerned mother, about her 13-year-old daughter who has come home and declared, that; “a boy in school has proposed to me and I have said yes.” So she has emailed me to ask, “What should I do in this circumstance?”
1) Before such a situation arises, it is important, as parents, as a family, to set boundaries. To speak to your children about the do’s and don’ts around a situation like this. To speak about what are your family’s values. I know currently we all belong to a global environment. Our children are exposed to a very multicultural environment and they are bombarded with different ideas about values, about relationships, about many other things. And it’s important as a family to set certain dos and don’ts, to clarify YOUR family’s values with your children. So that would preempt the situation.
2) When the situation has arisen already, down play your reaction. Don’t make it sound like the biggest thing that has happened, in your daughter’s life, or your own life. So down play your reactions.
3) The third thing is, speak to your daughter about the negative repercussions about a relationship. About break-up, and how it might affect her. Because in the long run, you don’t want your child to have issues like low self-confidence, low self-esteem, attached to breaking up with this particular person. So talk to her about what might, or might not, happen in the relationship.
4) Figure out, does the “going around” have something to do with peer pressure in the school? What are her friends up to? Invite them over. Because you need to know if it’s your daughter who want to be in a relationship or whether the group of friends she has is forcing her to be in a situation like this. So figure out, is it peer pressure, or it is actually your daughter’s decision.
5) Always keep an open door policy. When you are communicating with your children, communicate from a place of love, of respect, and acceptance. So your children can always come back to you with any issues, even in the future. So always learn to acknowledge what’s happening in your children’s life with a lot of love, with a lot of respect, and with a lot of acceptance, and be there for them. Because that could mean the difference between your daughter, coming to you in the future with other issues, or completely shutting down all modes of communication. And that would be a very tough situation to be in.
So the 5 tips for today in terms of “how would you react when your child has come to you declaring that she is in a relationship for the first time.”
1) Set boundaries, set values, about your family.
2) Down play your reaction.
3) Talk to them about the negative repercussions about a break-up.
4) Figure out if this has something to do with peer pressure.
5) Communication; always come from a place of love, respect and acceptance. And keep calm and be in control of your emotions.
If you would like me to coach your child, one-on-one, I offer a fabulous, result oriented, Youth Coaching Program for 10 weeks (once a week, an hour, every week).
So if any of you have anymore questions, with regards to children, or your own personal questions, do feel free to email me on [email protected] or inbox me on Facebook: Athena Coaching Solutions or call me on (+971) 056 1399033.
Look forward to receiving those questions from you, bye for now!